Now! A Content-Based Solution for Your Next Spare Minutes!

I take it as an indicator of either great insight or advancing imbecility that I no longer think of what I do as "writing columns" and instead think of it as "providing blank-page solutions."

I came to this conclusion after reading the ads in just one issue of BusinessWeek and discovering that 35 of the issue’s full-page ads used the word "solutions" at least once. One company used it five times in the same ad. Another used it in three different ads. American businesses have all sorts of stripes, but all seem to be selling the same thing: solutions. What a variety of solutions they sell!

SAS Institute sells "integrated financial management solutions." Brio Technology sells "business intelligence solutions." Lucent Technologies, no slacker, sells "solutions at all levels." NTT Mobile Communications discreetly offers "private solutions." Count on IBM for "technology-based solutions," and rest assured with Big Blue’s promise that "the solution you want is the solution you get," which in itself is a big solution.

Compaq has "a better business solution"; theirs is the "solution that’s all business." If that fails, Hewlett-Packard has "backup solutions," but just to play it safe, you may want to look into Trend Micro’s "security solution."

Sybase’s "reliable data movement solutions" are not to be confused with Digex’s "hosting solutions," which undoubtedly rely on Intel’s "long-term solution" for your "e-business solution," which is, in fact, a "new solution," because no one wants to be stuck using old solutions. It is hard to get much newer than Williams Communications’ Solutions Year 2000, although Savin says that its "document solutions" are pretty much the newest solutions available.

Of course, everyone knows that there are stand-alone solutions, but you may not know that Motorola has "embedded solutions," which is not necessarily synonymous with Usinternetworking’s "end-to-end solution." Lockheed Martin says it has (tee-hee) "proven solutions," one of which presumably is how to smash into Mars.

If your solutions become too numerous and difficult to manage, you will certainly and ultimately be a candidate for Tivoli’s "integrated management solution." But even that pales in comparison with Texas Instruments’ "optimal solution."

Now, when I think of "solutions" I ask myself, "Why do we need solutions?" I answer, though not aloud, "Because we must have problems." If every solution addresses a problem, and there are undoubtedly more problems than solutions, I think we can fairly conclude that the 35 "solutions" ads I saw point to at least 35 problems, and probably many more. Further, the number of top-performing companies selling solutions suggests that the real foundation for our vibrant economy is problems. You wouldn’t need non-problem-based solutions any more than you would need corrective lenses if your vision were 20-20.

Our problem-based economy extends far beyond the technological problems that technological solutions were invented to solve. For instance, I noticed that the United States Postal Service now offers "shipping solutions," which an unsophisticated person might mistake as "mail." The Postal Service makes it sound as if physicists have long wrestled with the problem of packaging, sealing, addressing and routing, say, fine ceramics, but teams of research scientists in Postal Service labs finally found the solution — and it wasn’t, as everyone thought, a potent combination of insurance and bubble wrap.

I noticed, too, that when my neighbors moved out (as they all inevitably do), the moving company van said that the company specialized in "moving solutions." Naturally, moving solutions were devised to address the old problem of immobility. Based on my observations, these solutions include a large truck, large men and lots of boxes.

And so, there you have it: My deadline solution.

Dan Danbom has problems for which there are no solutions.